Questions, questions, questions

Many aspiring negotiators make the mistake of doing all the talking. We need to ASK, ASK, ASK, until it becomes second nature to ask questions, and listen for the answer. It is written somewhere, ‘Be quick to listen and slow to speak.’ One of my earliest mentors used to say to me, ‘Oliver, you have two ears and one mouth; you need to learn to use them in that proportion.’

Let’s face it, the less you say, the more relevant you are likely to be. Let me ask you a few questions myself. If you are talking, who are you normally talking about? Of course the answer is ‘yourself’. That produces a defensive or bored response in the counterpart. Worse still, you will inevitably be giving away information that they can use to their advantage.

What sort of questions?

If questioning is so vital, what kind of questions should we be asking? We should be asking open-ended questions. Closed questions are questions to which the only answer is ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. They produce no additional information, they close down the conversation, they close down the proper negotiation process too early. Typical closed questions are prefaced with ‘Do you…?’, ‘Could you…?’, ‘Will you…?’

Open-ended questions cannot be answered ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; they always produce a response and always yield information. In training circles they are loosely referred to as W questions. They include What?, Which?, When?, Where?, Why?, Who?, and the odd one out: How? They always generate information and they are key to retaining control at every stage of the negotiation process.

A builder had negotiated a deal with a Baptist church for renovation work valued at £120,000. The deal appeared to be agreed, but the architect simply would not give the builder the start date. The builder was stalled for some weeks and could not get a clear picture from the architect. In a move to get things under way, the MD of the building company approached the church direct and began asking W questions to attempt to discover the nature of the problem. It transpired that the church wanted to carry on meeting in the building while the renovations were going on. They had been told that it would not be possible. The builder simply offered to find alternative accommodation while the work was in hand – offering to pay for it himself. The cost of that was a few hundred pounds but would have the effect of releasing £120,000 of work.

Subsequently, with the goodwill his gesture generated, he was able to work out a method of working that enabled the church to carry on meeting – with some temporary facilities – within their existing premises. The job got under way.